Where are the birds?

Just the other day, I was commenting to my husband that I've seen fewer and fewer birds at the feeders. I filled them up a week ago, and it's as if they've not been touched. It became the exception rather than the rule to look out the window and see any birds visiting. What the heck? Then, I found this post on the Stokes Birding Blog addressing just this very issue, which apparently many are seeing now. There is abundant natural food right now, and the birds are, well, being birds, and partaking of what nature has provided. This point was further evidenced when I was outside on Saturday and looked up towards the sky at the large pines in the tree line. Just look at all those cones this year! But, don't stop feeding, as once the weather gets colder, our friends will surely appreciate our offerings so much more.

Read Between the Lines

There are various and sundry reasons why we all started to blog.

I initially thought I wanted to somehow share my journey, my life

with Sam, and how grace has enveloped me in so many ways.

My blogging then took a curvy road towards my love of birds as well.

Along the way, I've made the acquaintance of so many wonderful

people, and my life is so much bigger and richer.

We all have "life" to deal with, and that too becomes part of our

blogging. But, just suppose you woke up one day, and at the end

of that day, life, as you knew it, was irreparably changed. Just

suppose in that one day, you lost both your husband and your mother.

That seems to me to be the very definition of the rug being pulled

out from under you.

Well, that's what happened this past spring to a new lady I've come to know.

A strong, courageous lady named Donna. She and her husband raised

AKC German Shepherds, and her animals have been such

a comfort to her. But, I know that you all can be as well.

Go visit Donna at Between the Lines and show her some

of that famous Blogger community love and support.

Oh, the Jays!

There has been, it seems, an explosion of Blue Jays

recently! I see them everywhere. Three, four, and five together.

They can sometimes be bullies when they swoop in, but for the

most part, they get what they want and then depart to the tall trees.

Weekend visitor

Saturday morning, I was sitting on the deck watching the bird

activity, when I heard the male Bluebird sounding his alarm chitter.

He quickly flew over my head and away from the yard.

Within a minute or so, this Red-shouldered Hawk flew over me

in the opposite direction and landed in the tree line next door.

The Crows and Jays were screaming at him the entire time he was

perched high up in this tree, and he politely ignored them.

If you look just above his outstretched wing below, you can see the Jay!

Patient as he was, with all the commotion, he finally decided

to depart and look for breakfast elsewhere.

Checking in

Well, it's been one week since I posted about my coming clean to myself (and you) regarding my eating being out of control. It's been a really good week. The one thing that really struck me in getting my eating on track again, was just how good the food I was eating tasted and how well satisfied I have been. For breakfast, I've eaten what I've eaten for the past ten years... seriously... I am not kidding... a cup of Original Fiber One cereal, sprinkled with Splenda, topped with Silk Vanilla Soy Milk and a banana on the side. I have given up topping it with raisins (too much sugar). For lunch and dinner, I've been eating 3-4 oz of grilled lean meat (chicken, fish, beef), a starchy vegetable (1/2 cup at lunch/1 cup at dinner), along with 1/2 cup of a non-starchy vegetable and a spinach salad. It's a LOT of food my friends. A lot of good, filling, nutritious food. Plus, after lunch and dinner, I usually have some fruit as well if I want something sweet. I feel SO much better, I can't tell you.

I also got up at 5 AM and walked 45 minutes on Monday and Thursday, then walked 45 minutes on Saturday and Sunday as well. I somehow pulled my back on Monday, and had to wait until Thursday to walk again (with the help of Ibuprofen and ThermaCare heat wraps). On those mornings I walked, I felt like I was FULL of extra energy! I took my Kindle with me, and just walked and read, which made the time pass by so quickly.

There is no feeling in the world like knowing you are again in control and you can choose not to put things in your body which cause you to start making excuses to justify your need for food to make you feel better. It was all about the carbs for me. Relax my guard for too long around them, and well... 20 pounds later, I know where it ends up. Oh, I tried to justify it by eating Weight Watchers stuff, but found more than not, I was choosing to eat the mini-pizzas and the quesadillas, and the flatbreads, which in turn, loosened my eating of everything else not good for me (crackers/chips/noodles/pasta).

I also gave up having the glass (or two) of wine several times a week in the evenings, as it did not take much convincing after that to decide that some potato chips would be really satisfying. My numbed mind was allowing me to make those decisions without much thought.... how convenient. Oh, of course the next day I'd chide myself and be disgusted that I was actually eating Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles by the handfuls. But, the behavior did not change, and therefore, neither did the bad choices.

So, all in all, it's been a really wonderful week. It's not about "being on a diet" but rather about feeding your body the foods it needs to effectively fuel itself and in turn, make you feel much more healthy and energetic. A great start for me to get back to a place I need to be. Trust me when I say that when this aspect of my life is in control, everything, and I mean everything else seems so much easier. It was time, and I am happy to say, I made good choices this week.

Share the love

Kim is sharing the love!

Want to join in?

Saturday one liners

-- Yesterday, it felt like Friday the 13th at work.

-- I am quite looking forward to moving towards electronic medical records.

-- WW Chicken Marsala dinners have a piece of chicken the size of a silver dollar.

-- I've not had a glass of wine in over a week.

-- My tummy is so much better with the Prilosec, but it's still not A-OK.

-- My gas light came on in my car for the first time yesterday.

-- My house needs a good cleaning something awful.

-- I don't think my mailbox can hold one more Christmas catalog.

-- I hate black hairs growing out of my chin.

-- I've not taken any good photos in such a long time.

-- I am so enjoying reading the Outlander series again.

-- I have five or so loads of laundry to do today.

-- Sam's being able to be home by himself has changed our lives so much.

-- I adore Honeycrisp apples lately.

-- I gave blood this week and actually let the gal stick me twice to get it.

-- There are dead ladybug carcasses everywhere.

-- I hate cleaning the grill.

-- I need to discern whether or not to become a parish nurse.

-- I have piles of papers I need to rummage through.

-- I still love my new job, though there are interesting facets continually revealed.

-- We disassembled a chair in Sam's room, and a ton of Goldfish and crumbs fell out of it.

-- Dyson vacuums ROCK!

Until next season...

I can't believe this was just a bit over two weeks ago.

The rain and winds have pretty much taken all the leaves

down to the ground, and now there is a magic carpet which

will disintegrate and nourish all growing things...

And we'll wait, and anticipate the season when the

trees are once again all ablaze in their glory.

Good night.

Sleep tight.

Amazing force of nature

On Tuesday, our area received upwards of 3-5" of rain from the remnants of tropical storm Ida.There was a small rock slide on Hwy 64 Northeast of here, along the Ocoee River near Cleveland, TN. The local CBS affiliate, WDEF, was there covering the story of a how a large chunk of the rock plate of a section of wall along side the highway had crumbled into the road. During the filming, they were awaiting the arrival of a geologist from Nashville to come assess the situation. Once she arrived, it was not long before they heard some popping noises. She immediately ordered the road (and camera) crews to move back.

Bill Mitchell and his photographer moved further back and continued to film, when all of a sudden, the upper ledge gave way. Wow! Just look at the force of the slide as it came down the hill, bringing large pine trees with it!

On our local news tonight, they said the debris would fill over 1,000 dump trucks.

What a force of nature!

Share your feelings

I love the Sonic commercials with this couple.
This current commercial makes me laugh out loud every time I see it!
This is SO my hubby....lolololol! Can anyone else relate??

Winter Snowbirds

The winter Dark-eyed Juncos have arrived.

They are such sweet little birds.

I welcomed them with lots of fresh seed scattered on the ground.

Looking in the mirror... and in dreams

Those who have been reading this blog for some time know that I once was quite the hefty girl as evidenced by these photos. That's me with Sam on the beach when he was around 3 or so, and the other is with my then sis-in-law laughing because we showed up for my in-law's anniversary dinner in practically the same dress (well except hers was a size 2 and mine, probably an 18 -20). I am 5'2" and at my heaviest, weighed 200 pounds. When I delivered Sam in 1992, I weighed in at 227 pounds. Yes, on my 5'2" frame. I, like millions of others, had tried every diet in the world. I was an intelligent, educated health professional, but for the life of me, could not figure out why I could not get a grip on my weight issues.

Then, one day I saw an Oprah show with Gary Zukav and he was talking about addictions. He was mostly addressing alcohol, drugs, sex, and work, but as Oprah was asking questions, he then turned the topic towards food, as it is something she struggled with as well. I got his book, Seat of the Soul, and the chapter on addiction spoke to me. Or rather, maybe I was finally able to "hear" it. I had never ever looked at my issues with food as an addiction. I went to Amazon and typed in "food addiction" and one book, in particular, caught my eye. It was called Chocolate is My Kryptonite by Matthew Keane. It was in reading this book that I finally came to the realization that food was my drug of choice. That was why I could have control for a while, but never sustain it.... I never addressed how I used the food. It was my friend, my balm, my nurturer, my comfort, and my way to exert control over my life. It was a major light bulb moment for me. I started following a healthy eating plan outlined in the book, quit getting on the scale, and started addressing my issues which food so nicely medicated. I was the "go along to get along" girl. I never wanted anyone angry, disappointed, or upset with me and consequently frequently said 'yes' when I wanted to say 'no.' I so needed the world's approval. I didn't know who Jayne was at her core. My opinion was pretty much whatever everyone else said or thought. I voluntarily relinquished all control to the world around me and then medicated the pain, anger, and hopelessness with food. It made me feel better about everything. In the book, he writes about how for some people, there is a true physical response to sugary, highly processed carbohydrates and it truly does give you a sense of calm and well being as it raises serotonin levels. The problem is... one cookie is too many, and a hundred is not enough. It will never fill the deep, dark hole you are in. And so, the cycle continues. So it really does not matter if you do Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins, NutriSystem... whatever... because it's not about the food (it never was), it's all about what the food is doing for you psychologically. When you can key in on that aspect of it and regain control over the addiction it is, you can rid yourself of this forever.

That was in 2000, and once I dropped the weight, my entire life changed. But, the fact that I am a recovering addict has not. I used to say that I am not smug enough to say that one Little Debbie Swiss Roll would not be my undoing, as I know there is a slippery slope where the food starts talking to you again, and you start listening. Then you are no longer in control. "Go ahead, you deserve it... you've worked hard today... you're tired.... you need to celebrate!" I am sure you've all heard it, right? Deep in the evening, as you stand there looking in the frig or the pantry? I see you shaking your heads.

Well, I have fully been sober from sugar. No problem for me at all. And, I am fully sober from fatty, fried foods and fast food as well. But... the bread, oh the bread. And the crackers... oh, the crackers (yes, especially those devilish Snyder's of Hanover creations). Bit by bit, I've relaxed my guard over the years (especially the past two), and now, I am at a critical juncture. I had a dream Saturday night that I was at church and went to put on my choir robe, but it would not zip. Now, that robe is roomy, but I was so big, it would not zip up! Mind trying to tell me something? I've eased slowly from the size I was at my lowest weight, to the next, and now, even the next size. I look in the mirror and I see the relaxed skin and muscle from not working out regularly since 2007. I feel the extra 18-20 pounds that have crept back since 2000, and it does not feel good. The eating of the chips and crackers has started to become a bit mindless. I feel sluggish and tired, and like I am on the verge of spiraling. It's humbling really. I have marveled over the past 10 years at how easy it was to say goodbye to sweets and fast food, and maybe got a bit overconfident in my ability to stay in control. As I've aged, it's been even harder to lose even when cutting back, and after my hysterectomy... well.

So, it's time to face the music and heed the dreams and the mirror. I am fooling no one but myself if I don't act, and act now to get this under control before I am back down at the bottom of the hill. So, starting today, the minute my feet hit the floor out of the bed, I am heading to the treadmill. Wanting to exercise at the end of long days has been difficult to say the least, so if I do it in the morning, there is no excuse that I am tired. I normally have 45 minutes of blogging time in the mornings, but I can just as easily do that in the afternoons. It's time. It's time to put me on the front burner again and to quit pretending I am doing OK. I am not. I am a few months away from the next size, and then the next size, all the while wondering how on earth after 10 years I am back in the same boat.

Now that I've come clean, I've decided to report to you here. That should keep me honest. I'll be blogging my progress each Monday. No, I won't get on a scale, as it is just a number, but I'll know. I 'll know if I have been mindful of what I put into my mouth, and I'll know if I got my 3-4 days/week of exercise in. Once an addict, always an addict, and I am proud today to say that I am here and I am owning it.

Just so you can see... here I was, oh, 15-20 pounds ago

in the fall of 2006. I want to feel like her again. :c)