Sunday, September 08, 2013
End of the story... and transitions
I was in Feedly this morning, catching up on blog reading, which I've neglected for way too long, when I realized I had not posted here since June. And here all of you were... waiting with bated breath to see how the story ended! (Written tongue in cheek, of course.)
Well, as you can see, the two babies grew and grew, and thrived. We had the most magical time watching them as they matured and readied themselves to take wing. It was such a glorious gift that a beautiful pair of Barn Swallows chose my little porch on Chickadee to make a nest home. I'm quite sure now that they were successful, we'll see them year after year. The nest cup was a perfect investment, and it paid off in spades. In July, the babies finally fledged (below they are perched on a gutter on the house) and though they came back to the nest each evening for a week or so, eventually, only one came, and then, they were gone. Back to roost with their flock and ready themselves for the arduous journey back to South America and Mexico. God speed little ones.
Speaking of journeys, I feel as if I am embarking upon one too. Sort of like a major shift in my life is occurring, and I'm not quite sure what form it will take, but I am aware it's in my midst? Since I started my true journey of discovery when I turned 40, there have been pivotal transitions in my life. I've been tackling my need for people to do things the way I think they should be done (you know, the right way) for some time now. And, yes, that is definitely written with tongue in cheek, and with laugher and a smile on my face. I fully own that part of me that makes life sometimes really frustrating. I know I do it, I can stop and point it out to myself easily now, and am learning not to get so caught up in the drama of my own making. THAT is sure progress, my friends.
But, I'm also examining the way I live my life and my need to live in the same rut, day to day. There is safety in ruts, is there not? Predictable, reassuring, without risk. That's how I live my life. I have a daily routine that I hardly ever veer from really. Part of it is having Sam in my life and accommodating his need for routine and sameness. But, a bigger part of is it the need for control and, if I'm being honest, fear. Fear of not knowing, fear of taking risks, fear of failure, fear of change.
I recently took a five week meditation course, and absolutely loved it and the skills I learned to quiet my mind. I never thought I'd be able to stop the "monkey mind" as Dr. Rick, who taught the course, calls it. I've been uncomfortable with quiet, to be honest. My mind is always on go, go, go and so the idea that I could just sit with nothing in my mind but pure focus on my breath and body and being at one with it was so very foreign to me. And yet, my mind surprised me. I was able, quite easily actually, to get into the zone really nicely. And boy, what a difference it's making in my life. I try my best to meditate twice daily now. Fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen minutes in the evening just before bed. This time with my own brain has opened up all sorts of discoveries for me. For one, it can almost feel like prayer on steroids to me as I make time to send out healing energy to those who need it. I truly feel them receiving my healing intention. I've always been a mediocre prayer. My mind would simply drift from thing to thing without focus and so I never really made it a discipline. But now, as I start to breathe in and out, I fully can visualize my breathing in light and love, and breathing out darkness and negativity. Boy, has it made a difference for me.
It remains to be seen where all this will lead me in terms of changes in my life, but I feel them coming. I am on the precipice of big transitions, and I welcome them, with curiosity and thankfulness.